someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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