Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
