Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
