Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
