hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
