I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
