Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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