and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
