Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
