she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
