i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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