Are we in a gay sports bar?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
