whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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