Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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