I want to stick my p in your. b.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
