I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
