i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
