I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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