I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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