Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
