My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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