dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
