WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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