lets start a swedish sibling band together
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
