im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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