dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
