She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
