And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
