btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
