Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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