I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
