my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It all started with a game of naked twister.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
