I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Holy sore nipples Batman
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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