a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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