Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
