oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am midnight drunk by noon
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
