Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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