Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
