It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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