It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
