he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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