so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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