I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
