im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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