I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
