I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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