Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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