They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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