I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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