It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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