omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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