She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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